Marriage Later in Years

This is always something that makes me smile and it is something I look forward to. I love seeing elderly people holding hands and looking at each other with just as much love, if not more, than the day they got married. I think it is so sweet and it is something that I have always admired. However, their lives are not perfect. They still face challenges and I think if people like me, who think they are just living in bliss, were aware we could help them more.

The first thing a couple could experience is becoming empty nesters. Once all their children leave home, it can be quite a change and leave a couple unsure of what to do with their time. For a long time their lives have been directed and focused on their children. When they leave all of that stops. A wife who had been married for 33 years said, "It's important to build a good relationship with your spouse so that when the children leave, you have the underlying joy of focusing on each other and not your adult children."

Meet my mom and dad. Aren't they cute?? They have been empty nesters for almost 4 years now. My brother and I decided to leave home for the first time at the exact same time. So they went from having both their children home to none of their children home all at once. It took some adjusting but they have a good, strong marriage and have adjusted quite well to the empty-nester life. They enjoy their time with just the two of them and love being able to focus on each other more. 

Another problem that couples could face is physical decline. Let's face it, the older we get, the weaker our bodies get. With our bodies getting weaker, it can bring decrease in mobility, memory, stamina, strength, hearing, and even cognitive abilities. Aging can be hard for people to accept when they realize they can't do as much as they want to anymore. For some it can make them become very negative which can eventually lead to a "mid-life crisis". 

Meet my grandma. Isn't she cute too?? She has lupus. ( Learn more about Lupus here) This is very painful at times. As you can see from this picture my grandma doesn't let it get her down. She has chosen to live her life, and not let her pains hold her back. When I even get a headache it is like I'm down for the count. I admire her. 

So what are some things to look forward to in older age? There are many but I will just share a few. 

Perspective and the ability to share and teach- The older we get, the wiser and smarter we become. As we experience life we learn many lessons and we can share them with others. As we retire and become empty nesters, we will have more time on our hands and can share our knowledge with others. At this time, some couples choose to go on mission to share the gospel which I think is a wonderful thing. 

That brings me to my next point, service. With more free time and wisdom, many take the time to go out and serve others. I think this is amazing because they are really the ones who we should be serving. This is why I think they have so much joy in their life because they are so busy being self-less and putting others first. 

Work in the Family

As I sit outside in the park on a beautiful day wishing I was having fun instead of doing homework, I decided to write about work in the family to try and help motivate me. I know that in the not so near future this hard work is all going to pay off, but for now it stinks!

I know that coming up with ways to get children to want to do chores and work in the home can sometimes be difficult. It is important to remember that we are responsible to teach them principles that will help them be successful in the real world one day. Working is an essential part of family life. 

All members, including the mother and father, need to take part in family work. Studies have shown that children respond best to work when their mother or father is working along side of them. No matter the age, children like to see their parents working as well. I think they like it for several reasons. The first being that it makes them feel as though their mom or dad don't feel they are above their children. The other reason is because it gives them another thing to do with their mom and dad and helps them connect better. 

Another thing we must be careful of when teaching our children about work is our attitude. When talk about work and chores like it is a burden and we hate it, that is going to be the attitude they have as well. This will often lead to protesting chores when they are asked to do some. As hard as it may be, parents need to talk about work as a joyful thing and make it seem like it is not a big deal. Our children will more likely enjoy it if we do. 

A "controversial" thing that comes along with this topic is whether or not children should be given allowance. Some people say it is okay and some people think it is a bad idea. I couldn't really find any church doctrine on it so I will just give my opinion. Personally for me, I think that allowance is a good thing and can really beneficial. When you give your child allowance, you can start teaching tithing at a younger age. (learn more about tithing) You can also teach them that if they want something, they have to save for it. This will help them understand that we can't always get what we want.

Growing up, my parents did everything they could to teach me good work ethic and I feel that I have a pretty good sense of the importance of work today. I will admit that there were times when I didn't feel like working and would give my parents a hard time, but they tried to make it fun. 

We had a chore chart at one time or another and we got a sticker when we would get something done. I liked this method and it was a rewarding feeling when I would get stickers. (Sample chore chart )

When we were older and started getting allowance, if we didn't complete all our chores for the week some of our money would get deducted. This was a really great motivation for me and it taught me that if I didn't do the work, I wouldn't get the reward. 

I don't really have too many pictures of myself working so I will just leave you with an example of work! 

The Plan of Salvation and Families

This is something that has really been on my mind lately and it has been something that I am so grateful to have the knowledge of so I thought I would share:)

I will briefly explain the plan of salvation but the part I want to focus on today is how families can become eternal and be together forever.

Here is a picture of the plan of salvation or the great plan of happiness. As I describe the plan, feel free to refer to the picture so you can follow along. 

We all started in the pre-mortal existence where we all dwelt with each other and our Heavenly Father and Mother. Heavenly Father said we would need to come to earth and there were two people who raised their voice to come up with a plan. Lucifer and Jesus Christ. Lucifer's plan was to control us and make us do what he said. Christ's plan was to come to earth sacrifice himself so we could return to Heavenly Father. This plan would allow us to use free agency. There was a war in Heaven and everyone who is on this earth chose The Lord's side. 

We come to earth as a baby and have a veil placed upon us so that we don't remember what went on in Heaven. This is the point where we gain our body. We are on this earth and we have our free agency to make choices that will either lead us closer of farther away from the Lord. We are tested and tried while here. 

After we die we leave our body and become a spirit again. we either go to spirit prison or paradise based on our actions on earth. It is here we will wait until the second coming where the Savior will come again. When He comes we will all be resurrected no matter what. We will then have our final judgement and be placed in one of the three kingdoms. Our goal is to make it to the celestial kingdom where we can be with our Father in Heaven and Jesus Christ and dwell with them again. 

While we are on this earth there are several things we must do in order to make it back to the celestial kingdom. In doctrine and covenants 131 (D&C 131) we read that one of those things is celestial marriage. The way we can have celestial marriage is by entering into one of the Lord's holy temples and be sealed to our spouse for time and all eternity. Once we have done this, we can be with our family forever. Instead of death do us part like in normal marriages, we are with our spouse and family for all eternity. After we die, we will meet them again and be joined together. Who wouldn't want to be with their family forever? 

This is such a powerful and sacred thing and it is very near to my heart. I am very close to my family and I couldn't imagine going through this life knowing that after they pass on I would never see them again. I have had two experiences with becoming an eternal family and I would like to share them.

My family and I joined the church when I was 8 and when I was 10 we were all ready to go to the temple and be sealed together forever. I don't remember a ton from this experience but I remember the amount of joy I felt knowing that my mom, dad, and brother would be with me forever. As we all participated in this covenant, I remember looking into my parents and brothers eyes and knowing we were an eternal family. There was much joy.

On August 6, 2011 my sweet husband kelsey and I knelt together in the same Seattle temple and became an eternal family of our own. This time was much more emotional for me because I understood what was happening and was creating an eternal family of my own. As we made these covenants, I knew that as long as we kept them we would be together forever. What an amazing feeling that was. Now as we have children someday, they will be sealed to us and they will be part of our family forever as well. 

Here is some pictures from our special day:

That day was almost two years ago and we have been happily married ever since. We know nothing can ever be too bad because we have eternal marriage on our side. 

Faith in the Family

Faith in the family is something that is needed to help our family units survive.

There is a three dimensional framework that involves faith in the family. They are: religious community and family, religious beliefs, and religious practices

The area that I wanted to focus on today is religious practices in the family and how it correlates to faith. 

One major thing that relates to faith in the family is prayer. In a study done it said that when husband and wife are not on the same page with prayer it creates a lot of disconnect in the family. This was shocking to me but it makes sense. How can you expect a family to be united in their faith when they don't agree on how or when to pray? If couples are finding themselves disagreeing on this subject, they should talk together so they can get on the same page and allow faith to continue to grow within their family. 

The other major thing that affects faith in the family is the religious rituals in the family. If one person wants to do FHE and the other only does to make that person happy, there isn't going to be much faith residing in the home. When couples are on the same page with whatever religious practices they choose, they are going to be able to feel the spirit and connect with God on a deeper level. When they are able to do this as a family and a couple, they will increase their faith together. 

I just want to share a few things that Kelsey and I do as a couple to increase our faith:

We pray together every morning and night. Before we pray we talk about anything special we want to pray about and get answers to. This way we both know what to listen for. When we get answers to the prayer we said together, it increases our faith together.

We read scriptures together each night. While we are reading, we stop and talk about the things we are getting out of the scriptures. This helps us to talk about the things we are learning and how we are applying it to our lives. Often times Kelsey and I are both getting different things from the scriptures and it allows us to teach each other.

We go to the temple together. After attending the temple, we sit down and talk about the things we learned. Again when we are able to be spiritually uplifted together and learn more about the gospel, it increases our faith together.

These are just some of the things we do to help increase our faith together as a couple. I hope that one day when we have children we will be able to increase our faith together as a family. We recently took a trip to Salt Lake with my family and were able to go to temple square. As we went through this weekend and talked, it increased our faith together. Here are some pictures below. 

Young Adults and Marriage

Since it's around that time of graduation for high schooler's, I thought it would be a great time to post a blog about my opinions of marriage and most importantly what some church leaders have said. It is that time in your life when your mind is full of wonders. What will happen when you head off to college? What about that boy or girl you said you were going to wait for on their mission? What will college be like?

 I had all of these worries as well and  thought I had it all figured out. I would go to college and just date around for a couple of years while I experienced and enjoyed the fun college life. Speaking of the fun college life, I imagined I would be out with friends every night and some how my homework would just magically get done. One thing was for sure, I was not going to be getting married after my first year BY-Ido for sure. Boy was I wrong. I guess Heavenly Father needed to teach me a little lesson on becoming humble:)

Now that marriage is in the not too distant future for some of you, or for others maybe it is but, there are 3 good questions to ask yourself no matter your feelings on marriage.

1. When? So when in the world are you going to get married? The church has counseled young adults who have graduated (and served a mission for some) not to put off getting married. They are concerned with the youth today. Many are putting off marriage because that is not the cool thing to do anymore. President Gordon B. Hinckley said, "I hope you will not put off marriage too long... Don't go on endlessly in frivolous dating game. Look for a choice companion, one you can love, honor, and respect, and make a decision." Now I don't think that he is implying we need to force ourselves to get married, but we shouldn't put it off just because. I think one thing that goes along with this is preparing yourself. You don't want an amazing companion to pass you up because your not ready. 

In my textbook they said to trust in The Lord and follow what the spirit tells you. This was a huge thing for Kelsey and I as we were deciding when to get married. We didn't know if we should wait longer or get married when we did. We had been dating for a little while and didn't want to rush into anything. I also knew I was young. Ultimately we ended up praying about it and the spirit confirmed to both of us that we should get married sooner rather than later. We were in love and knew we wanted to spend the rest of eternity together so why wait. I got a lot of grief for it but, looking back I know it was the right time for us to get married.

2. Who? This is a big one. You need to know who you want to marry before you get married! One thing the church leaders really focus is on is that there is no such thing as a soul mate. When I first arrived here at BYU-I a member of the bishopric said that in one of his talks. I always knew it was true in the back of my mind but when he said it, I felt like he had just told me that Santa Clause was not real. I love this saying, "while soul mates are found, eternal companions are chosen and made." You are in control of who you marry. You get to pick. It wasn't aligned in the stars because it's up to you to decide that. 

I met Kelsey my very first week up at BYU-I. I remember thinking to myself from the moment he walked in the door of my apartment how cute he was. I remember thinking to myself oh man I am in trouble. It wasn't love at first sight but I had this weird feeling that he was someone I could marry. I thought I was crazy because I hardly knew the guy. But I can remember talking to my mom about it.  We facebook stalked him of course and my mom confirmed he was cute and looked like a good guy. 

3. How? So now how are you going to go about finding that one to marry? There is a little formula my book recommends and I think it is a good one. 1. Traditional dating- This is where you go on dates with tons of different guys and girls. You are just trying to get to know people and see if there is anyone out there you like. This is what I call the friend stage. 2. Exclusive Dating- So after your many dates you finally found a guy or girl you really like. This is where you and that special someone start to get serious. Those scary talks about marriage and a future come up and you see if your values and views align. Oh yeah and you also fall in love:) 3. Engagement- Now you know it. That girl or boy is the one you have chosen, not your soul mate, and you want to spend eternity with them. You get engaged, get married in the temple and live happily ever after.

Kelsey and I remained friends after we met for a whole semester before we started dating. I went on a few dates with other guys and so did he. We actually never went on dates with each other but we were the best of friends. I secretly had a HUGE crush on him and he had a crush on me as well but we never told each other. Well Christmas rolled around and Kelsey finally got the guts up to tell me he liked me. How you may ask? Well he pretended to have a dream we were dating and told me that. Then he asked what I would think if we did. We talked about it and started dating. The rest is history. We quickly fell in love and I knew he was the one I had to spend eternity with. We got engaged in April and got married in the Seattle temple in August 2011. It has been the best 2 years of my life and I wouldn't trade it for the world.

There really is no formula or science when it comes to marriage and finding your spouse. There is no one else that can answer any of these three questions except for you, The Lord and the person you are considering marrying. Rely on the spirit and I know it will never lead you astray. 

And of course some pictures of Kelsey and I dating to wrap everything up:)

Parenting

This topic has been on my mind a lot lately since I am taking a family and parenting class... imagine that:) I have been doing a lot of reading on how I can become a better parent when Kelsey and I have our own children. One things I have always known but am starting to get better ideas on how the part is having limits for your children and doing it with love so you can have a good relationship with them. I read a list given that every child needs and I thought I would share with you all.

- love, warmth, and support

- clear and reasonable expectations for competent behavior

- limits and boundaries with some room for negotiation and compromise

- reasoning and developmentally appropriate consequences and punishments for breaching established rules

- opportunities to preform competently and make choices

- absence from coercive, hostile forms of discipline, such as harsh physical punishment, love with-drawl, shaming, and inflicting guilt

- models of appropriate behavior consistent with self-control, positive values, and positive attitudes

Let me just restate that these are things that all children need. Some of the things on this list someone may say a child would be fine if they didn't have and they are probably right but, to provide the best life for our children these are the things we need to give to them.

I have a few thoughts on the list above. 

1. First off, I think this list screams one overlying thing. As adults we must always remember that we are the adult in our parent-child relationship. We are the ones who need to set the tone and example. If we scream at our children, we are going to teach them it is okay to scream at others. Another thing that goes along with that is to pick and choose our battles. Don't get into a power struggle with a child. Remember that you are the adult and you control the situation.

2. I love in the third bullet that is says to set limits and be willing to compromise. Just because we are the parent doesn't mean that we are always right. Sometimes our rules may become old and need some updating. Like if we have a child whose bedtime was 7 when she was 5 but she is now 10 and wants to stay up later, it may be time to change our expectation. Sometimes we make a rule that your child thinks just isn't fair. I think that part of compromise means listening to you child's reason for why that rule isn't fair even if you don't change your mind.

3. In the fourth bullet point it talks about explaining your reasoning. No child wants to hear their parent say "because I said so." 9 times out of 10 that is just going to leave the child feeling more frustrated and angry because they don't think you have a good enough answer for the rule. It will help our children understand our parenting and why we do the things we do if we explain to them why. 

4. My last thought comes from the 5th bullet. We need to allow our children to make their own choices. I know this can be tough for a parent because they always want to protect their children and save them anything bad that can happen to them. But sometimes this is how they need to learn. We came here to this earth to use our agency and parents need to allow their children to do so. 

I don't know from experience yet, but I can only imagine how hard parenting is. Don't beat yourself up if you make mistakes, we all are going to. I know that if you use the spirit to guide you in all our parenting efforts you won't be led astray. 

And as always here are some pictures of my parents. They were and are the ultimate example to me and I hope to be half the parents they are someday.