Parenting

This topic has been on my mind a lot lately since I am taking a family and parenting class... imagine that:) I have been doing a lot of reading on how I can become a better parent when Kelsey and I have our own children. One things I have always known but am starting to get better ideas on how the part is having limits for your children and doing it with love so you can have a good relationship with them. I read a list given that every child needs and I thought I would share with you all.

- love, warmth, and support

- clear and reasonable expectations for competent behavior

- limits and boundaries with some room for negotiation and compromise

- reasoning and developmentally appropriate consequences and punishments for breaching established rules

- opportunities to preform competently and make choices

- absence from coercive, hostile forms of discipline, such as harsh physical punishment, love with-drawl, shaming, and inflicting guilt

- models of appropriate behavior consistent with self-control, positive values, and positive attitudes

Let me just restate that these are things that all children need. Some of the things on this list someone may say a child would be fine if they didn't have and they are probably right but, to provide the best life for our children these are the things we need to give to them.

I have a few thoughts on the list above. 

1. First off, I think this list screams one overlying thing. As adults we must always remember that we are the adult in our parent-child relationship. We are the ones who need to set the tone and example. If we scream at our children, we are going to teach them it is okay to scream at others. Another thing that goes along with that is to pick and choose our battles. Don't get into a power struggle with a child. Remember that you are the adult and you control the situation.

2. I love in the third bullet that is says to set limits and be willing to compromise. Just because we are the parent doesn't mean that we are always right. Sometimes our rules may become old and need some updating. Like if we have a child whose bedtime was 7 when she was 5 but she is now 10 and wants to stay up later, it may be time to change our expectation. Sometimes we make a rule that your child thinks just isn't fair. I think that part of compromise means listening to you child's reason for why that rule isn't fair even if you don't change your mind.

3. In the fourth bullet point it talks about explaining your reasoning. No child wants to hear their parent say "because I said so." 9 times out of 10 that is just going to leave the child feeling more frustrated and angry because they don't think you have a good enough answer for the rule. It will help our children understand our parenting and why we do the things we do if we explain to them why. 

4. My last thought comes from the 5th bullet. We need to allow our children to make their own choices. I know this can be tough for a parent because they always want to protect their children and save them anything bad that can happen to them. But sometimes this is how they need to learn. We came here to this earth to use our agency and parents need to allow their children to do so. 

I don't know from experience yet, but I can only imagine how hard parenting is. Don't beat yourself up if you make mistakes, we all are going to. I know that if you use the spirit to guide you in all our parenting efforts you won't be led astray. 

And as always here are some pictures of my parents. They were and are the ultimate example to me and I hope to be half the parents they are someday.